


...and counting

by joan_waterhouse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-26
Updated: 2010-12-26
Packaged: 2017-10-17 12:36:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/176919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joan_waterhouse/pseuds/joan_waterhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two men - one losing and one gaining confidence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...and counting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lordhellebore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordhellebore/gifts).



## ... and counting

 **Ten** is for his magic. With the wave of his wand Severus could send his father flying to the other side of the room. He likes to think there's no need to prove it.

 **Nine** is for the number of lilies he brings her on her birthday.

 **Eight** is for the invisible gashes in his heart.

 **Seven** is for how often he thought there might be a chance they heal.

 **Six** is for the steps he takes, out of the circle, into the middle, before the Dark Lord to receive the Mark.

 **Five** is for the times he changes his mind before he finally shakes Dumbledore's hand.

 **Four** is for the seconds that pass after he pushed Draco to the side. They stretch like hours, parch his throat, numb his brain. Then he croaks, "Avada Kedavra!"

 **Three** is for the inches of Firewhisky he drinks each morning.

 **Two** is for the eyes of Lily's boy, reminding him with every defiant look, _I could have been your son_.

 **One** is for this last moment, for this last bit of strength with which he asks for the one thing he's been denied: to be seen.

  
_It takes a brave soul to keep going when confidence has long since departed._   


**One** is for a small start. Neville draws one tiny leaf on the bench in the Potions classroom. It makes him feel like a rebel.

 **Two** is for the breaths he takes before stepping in front of the whole class to face his Boggart.

 **Three** is for the lumps of sugar he takes in his tea when his Gran isn't looking.

 **Four** is for the beats his heart hammers each single second, threatening to burst his chest. His face is flushed with the fear to be laughed at any moment as he first asks Hermione and then Ginny to go with him to the Yule Ball.

 **Five** is for the seconds he holds Snape's gaze before he concedes he doesn't know the answer. (Five is also for the points that are then taken from Gryffindor.)

 **Six** is for the number of years it's taken him to admit - albeit only to himself - that he thinks he could do it just as well as Harry can. ~~If not better.~~

 **Seven** is for the days in a week he refuses to submit to the Carrows.

( **Eight** is a number pushed all the way back in his mind. Eight times he mumbles, just this side of too loud, "Potter will save us all" and "Muggle Pride!" or anything that comes to mind, really, as the Dark Arts teacher's eyes are searching for another "volunteer" and come to rest on a first-year.

 _Crucio!_ )

 **Nine** is for the ways he doesn't cry.

 **Ten** is for the rubies gleaming on the the sword he wields; a glinting blade raised slowly but inevitably by a strong arm, until it's finally brought down to defeat its foe.

*


End file.
